I'm NoT pErFeCt !

Arrival of Xayden Soo aka Baby Soo

2011-06-27T13:48:00.002+08:00

Finally the day has arrived. 19/6/11 the day my gynae admits me for inducing. I was already overdue according to him, 40 weeks plus. Had my Mcdelivery at 8 plus in the night then headed off to Gleneagles. Reached a bit too early so we went walking around. The nerves slowly kicked in as the clock reaches 9pm.

Went to the labour ward as written on the admission letter, ended up it was a mistake and got transfered to the normal ward. Changed to the gown and wait for the nurses to do what they had to do. Soon one of them came in with the pill that has to be inserted to help soften the cervix. Then the pump for clearing of bowels. The ctg was also attached to my belly for baby's heart beat and contractions throughout the night. After that all is settled.

Staying over night in the unfamiliar place i couldn't get to sleep. Hubs couldn't accompany me tgat night as I was staying in the 2 bedded room. Till 6am the nurse transfered me to the labour ward. Ctg was straped on me again and I waited for hub to come. He came and we waited for the gynae to come and check me. Gynae came and he broke my water bag. We waited for a while again to see if there's any progress in the dilation. After a few hours I had no progress, so the nurse had to pit me on drip to speed up the process.

I didn't opt for the epidural but ended up i had it due to the pain that I wasn't prepared for. So I had the drip as well as the epidural together. Soon my lower body went super numb. Epidural was working well but half way through i felt the contractions on one side, it wasn't painful but very uncomfortable.

Nurse checked me a few times and i dilated to 4cm for a few hours with no progression. So we waited and waited, talked to baby and persuade him to co-operate with me. Ended up still not much progress during the evening, gynae told us if by 9pm it's still the same a c section had to be done. By then the contraction were too strong even the epidural has no effect. I did cry cause of the cramps. Hub was there to comfort and encourage me. Appreciate it a lot.

Gynae came in at 9.30pm to check me again, this time baby did co-operate with me. His head was very low but still needed help from the vaccum. He told me to push and i gave 3 pushes then he used the vaccum. The nurses was also pushing my tummy and it was so painful much more painful than the contractions.

After a few more pushing he was out and I didn't know that till the gynae put baby on my chest. The baby was transfered to the warmer. Waited for 3mins finally he cried.

Tbc..

39 weeks last appt

2011-06-19T03:44:00.002+08:00

Well I it was my last appointment on Friday 17 June. Supposely tge appointment was at 11am but I overslept so ended up had it postponed to 3pm. As usual 4 people was before me, so just sat there waiting alone. Did ask hubbs to accompany me that day but he still have unfinish work so he couldn't make it. A bit disappointed but oh well kinda used to it since I always go alone for the appointments.

Weight taken and I was weighing 73.9kg. So much weight gainef during the entire pregnancy, gosh. Waited for an hour and it was my turn. Gynae asked me the usual question like any problems etc. So far everything is alright just some pain and discomfort at the cervix area but bearable. Did inform my gynae about baby's movement getting lesser each day.

Proceeded with the scan and baby's weighing 3.5kg as what I expected. He check my placenta too after knowing about baby's movement has decrease. Placenta was fine. Then he proceeded to check the dilation of cervix. I didn't put too much hope that it has progression in the dilation as the past 2 appointments had no progression, it remained at 1cm for the past 2 appointments. The feeling of checking isn't the best feeling on earth. Feel so uncomfortable and lots of pressure. He checked and told me its dilated and to 3cm. I was happy and shocked at the same time as I did not expect that to happen.

Gynae told me since I have dilated that much and baby movement getting lesser he said he would want to deliver baby early and asked fot my consent to be admited on the 19 June which was on fathers' day. I agreed as i so want to get this over with. Baby will be likely to be out on Monday 20 June.

Consultation ended and the receiptionist cum nurse made calls to the labour ward informing them about my schdueled time and date. Like finally big progression and relief that I dun have to carry him till exactly 40 weeks.

After everything is settled, gave hubbs a call telling him to apply leave for Monday and Tuesday. And told him I'll be admiting for delivery on Sunday night. He did'nt really had much of emotions or expressions. But when I asked him whether he's afraid he replied me yes. Now it's 4am on Sunday and I can't get to sleep. Anxious, scared and excited. Don't know what to expect too.

I guess my next post would be pictures of baby and birthing experience. Good luck and prays for later.

35 weeks along + movie session

2011-05-18T18:54:00.002+08:00

An update of my 35 weeks pregnancy. It was on Monday 16th May, reached the clinic at around 11.30am had my urine test and weight taken. As usual waiting time almost an hour, waited and waited soon my name being called.

Went in the nurse told me that they had to do a swab test to make sure that the birth canal is free of bacterias or infections for the safety of baby birth naturally. It's like a cotton bud inserted all the way to the cervix, I wasn't expecting pain maybe just some discomfort, but it was so painful compared to the first time to test for abnormal discharge.

After the swab test it was the ultrasound. Measured the BPD and AC and baby's meaurements was in the normal range. He's weight 2.4kgs, steadily increasing 200-250g each week. And for me every week about 1kg gained. I did ask my gyane whether I can have baby on the 17th June, he told me high chances that can be done. Was really happy to hear that, hopefully my walking and squatting pays off for baby to arrive that day instead of delaying.

After the consultation, I went to the washroom. While doing "small business" I felt this intense sharp pain below as though it had been cut. Then I started to bled, not period bleeding but some drops of blood. Scary enough as I didn't bleed for my whole pregnancy, worried I went back and ask the nurse and they said it was normal due to friction of the swab and said that the pain and bleedinng should stop within 2 days. And indeed the pain and bleeding stopped the next day.

I was still at the counter and the nurse was asking me about the report of the blood test for those diseases. I told her I didn't take the blood test for that, so they arrange for me to take that day. Took 4 tubes of blood making me feel so soft and jelly. With the pain below I just couldn't walk properly.

Went back to Clementi house and slept for a while. Met Daddy Soo up after his work and head back home together.

17/5/11

Vesak day, booked movie tickets at Junction 8 for Thor. The movie started at 6.50pm. As usual the big crowd waiting to get in. Movie was funny and entertaining. After the movie it's about 9pm, head to Subway got our sandwiches for dinner.

Head home after eating Subway, I felt this giddy spell. I felt that my head was like literally floating, very light headed. Went to lie on the bed and my eyes kept rolling back. Didn't dare to sleep as I fear I wouldn't wake up. *touch wood* But that was what I felt. Applied some medicated oil felt better but still giddy. Daddy Soo was worried, he told me if there's anything wrong in the middle of the night I have to wake him up.

Lucky I slept through the night, and waking up at 6+pm to prepare him for work. By then the giddy spells is gone and felt more energetic. Not sure what and why it happened but I guessed it normal.

Next appointment would be on 23rd May Monday again. I would get the report that day hope all is well so I can have baby naturally.

18/5/11

Baby is 35 weeks plus still active and I can't wait for his arrival. Finally done with washing all his clothes only left with the beddings. And still missing out some items like powders, oils and creams. Will get it on 1st June. Baby please let me have you on the 17th June ya? =)

Alright will gonna end here and update soon =)

34 weeks preggy

2011-05-09T22:27:00.003+08:00

Update on my appointment for 34 weeks, just went for the appointment today. It was suppose to be 10.15am but I had it postponed to 12pm. I was too tired didn't sleep well last night.

Waited for almost an hour, reached there did the usual routine, urine test, weight and blood pressure. Urine test was fine, weight is now 70.2kgs had gained 1kg over 10 days, blood pressure was fine too. Continue waiting, almost fell asleep, was so sleepy.

Finally, my turn came. Ask my gynae some questions and proceeded with the scan. Baby's head is still slightly bigger but everything like abdominal circumfrance, heart beat and placenta is fine. Baby's weight is also recorded which is at 2.2kgs now. Gynaae commented that everything was fine and good.

I hope to deliver baby on the 17th June, as it's easier for us to remember. We got together on the 17 Feb '10, and ROM on the 17th Jan '11. Praying hard that by then cervix show signs of opening and softening.

My appointment also had been cut down from every 2 weeks to every 1 week. So my next appointment would be next monday.

Baby is getting bigger hence his movements are very strong now, sometimes it hurts when he move too vigously or kick to hard. Still trying to get used to his strong movements.

Will update on that day of appointment again =)

32 weeks appointment

2011-05-01T15:42:00.002+08:00

I just went for my 32 weeks appointment on Friday with Mr Soo accompanying me. And we were late ! =X

Reaching there the usual the urine test and weight measurements. Urine test was fine and my weight is already at 69.2kgs. WOW. In just 2 weeks I've gained 1.1kg.

Waited for about 15 mins went in for consultation and scan. Gynae was measuring the head and abdominal circumfrances. Baby seems to have a big head. My EDD supposely is on 24th June but my gynae decide to admit me on the 17th June, one week earlier as he wants me to go natural and afraid that baby will be too big that's why he'll be out one week earlier than my expected EDD.

And baby's weight for now is already 1.8kgs, and I feel so heavy, my backache doing no good too. And we have also booked the hospital bed on 17th June.

That makes it 48 more days to seeing him. So excited !

Still wondering how he looks like even I had the 3d scan haas.

Sighs problems again

2011-04-24T21:20:00.002+08:00

Another problem with my own mother. I told her last month that we're only able to fork out $200 for maid, grocceries and electrical bills etc due to the stock we bought for the blogshop. She said she understand. Usually every month we're giving $300. But then last night don't know what's wrong with her came asking me whether next month we'll be giving her $400. $300 for next month and $100 for last month.

She agreed on $200 hundred last month now she changes her words.

The next thing, she hired a maid, supposely to help me with some chores now and after baby's birth. Last night my step father another one said something that I really don't like. What he said was that in future when we get our own house, there will be no maid to help us, so he want ME to do all the washing of our clothes and cleaning of our room and ironing of clothes.

If thats the case why must i fork out $300 when the money is also paying for the maid?

In the first place the maid is most of the time not home as she'll be in my mother shop helping her DO her business. Only washing our clothes like once or twice a week. We only have these few things for her to do and I didn't expect her to do all of my stuffs.

Since they want to be so calculative, we'll be moving out soon.

Seriously I'm so done with her and her dumb nonsense. Who knows what will happen after baby comes. Who knows whether she will go haywire as newborn babies cry often.
Freaking had enough of her and my step father. Always say sacarstic things, so what if their rich? Always telling me my step father earn how many tens of thousand per month. Since he's earning so much why so calculative or such amount when my husband is the only one working now.

How I wish I can help him now but I'll not be able to get a job now. Sighs.

Online Shop

2011-04-06T19:10:00.004+08:00

Have been quite busy lately setting up and preparing the online shop selling clothes. Jus started slightly a over a weeks ago, dealing with ladies apparels and some accessories.

All items are in stocks and no shipping required.

Interested?

View the items here, angels-closette.blogspot.com

Do introduce whoever might be interested and spread the blog around =)

Thanks for all the support ! ~

Hope to bring you people more designs soon =)

Appt for severe backache

2011-03-25T19:49:00.002+08:00

Had brought forward my appointment to today due to severe backache for almost a week. It only aches on the right side, feels like cramping. Went to my gynae got everything checked, baby is weighing at 935g. I'm suppose to be 27 weeks but measurements are at 26 weeks. Kinda worried but gynae says everything is good and fine.

Upon request the clinic assistant made a call to the marketing detpartment of the hospital and arranged a one to one maternity tour. Appreciate that. The tour lasted about 40 mins. Should have taken down notes, so many things to consider and take note of. But I'll be arranging another tour for daddy soo to go, just in case I missed any questions out and he can view the delivery suites and recovery ward himself.

Other than Gleneagles I'm also planning to go for the maternity tour for Thomson Medical Centre. As I've seen many positive feedbacks and comments about some mothers birthing experience and the service there.

I'll stop for now, gonna rest.

24 weeks

2011-03-04T19:01:00.004+08:00

Went for check up today due to diarrhea and loose stools for a few days. It might be that I'm sensitive to dairy products. My gynae scanned mw as well, measuring baby's weight and head.

Previous measurements of head circumfrance was 17.4cm and est weight was 362g. 2 weeks later which is today, baby grown quite a lot, head circumfrance 20.6cm and est weight is 593g almost 600g.

Yes, baby have grown and is heavier now, therefore I'm also heavier. My previous weight was 61.1kg, today its 63.3kg. Gained 2.2gs in 2 weeks, WOW ! I guess I'll soon hit the 70kg mark.

Counting counting 3 month plus for baby to be born. Can't wait, can't stop thinking how he looks like or who he looks like more.

Next appointment will be at April fools day. Haas. Will update till then =)

Daddy Soo felt baby's kick !

2011-03-02T23:44:00.002+08:00

Finally after so long daddy soo felt baby's kick. How did i do it? It was like that, he was talkung to my mother and i was sitting beside him. So i had this idea, since my mother was kinda "distracting" him, i placed one of his hand in my tummy. At that moment baby was very active, moving and kicking all over. After he's hand was on my tummy, he felt baby's slight kick.

Let me explain his reaction to it. When he felt the kick he quickly took his hand away and jump in shock. And when he jumped he was looking at my tummy like thinking "wat the hell was tat?!?!?" haha. The reaction was super priceless. Baby's kick caught him off guard by then i was laughing my head off. My mother saw his reaction and laughed too. I doubt after this experience he would wanna feel his kick, but i'll be glaf if he wants to try again.

Another 2 more weeks will be my monthly visit to my gynae. Wonder how big and heavy had baby grown. Turning 24 weeks in 1-2 days soon in 3 more months he will be out! Although i can't wait but still enjoying the process of being pregnant, enjoying his movements and kicks in me.

Yes i do have a name for him already but will onli annouce when he's out. So be patient ya :) thats all for now.

I wish

2011-02-23T22:54:00.002+08:00

Now I'm about 22 weeks 1 day along, and baby boy is super active in my tummy. Often feeling him kick and move around, my tummy would protrude and move from left to right or right to left. He's not shy in letting me feel his movements or kicks. I even managed to get video of him kicking and moving in me.

It's a very special feeling that I can't describe, and I hope that I can share this feeling with daddy soo. But daddy soo refuses to touch till date, although i have been persuading him to feel his movements. Really hope he can at least feel small movements.

Have found quite a few baby fairs during March and April and I'm so looking forward to it. And I have started buying and collecting his clothes, how cute can the clothes be, all in mini size simply adorable. Just collected baby cot from one of my mother's friend, and have to go get the mattress this weekend. My grandmother is also making effort in contributing *smiles*. She made the effort to go look for bean sprout shells to make the pillow for her great grandson, lots of time and effort for sunning the shells and separating the dirty particles and the shells. Gonna go over on Friday to help her, as you know old people's eye sight can't be compare to younger generations.

The last scan I went was on the 15 of Feburary, Dr Gordon Tan as usual measured everything and check on baby's heart beat. Everything is fine and from now baby has a weight as they don't measure baby from crown to rump. The last weighing was at 362g and yes I too gained weight, on the 15th I weigh 61kg.

Been eatinng quite a lot of sweet foods recently and my mother was remindinng me about diabetes. I think I'm gonna have my sugar level check on my next visit which is on 14th March.

Since baby is growing well, my tummy and butt grows with him. Feeling bloated, tight and often backaches. I guess my tummy is really expanding. I took bus back home and a lady offered me her seat. Oh well its the first and definately not the last.

Will update again whenever I feel like. Cheers.

One more thing, CONGRATS to all mummies of 2011.

6 of you I know, you know who you are =D take care !

Excited anf happy :D

2011-02-22T06:54:00.002+08:00

So happy to find out another friend is expecting! Due to still in first trimester i will not say the name out. Let me see, hmm total abt 5 friends of mine are expecting and expected to deliver this year. How coincidental could it be haas. Hppe her first tri will not be too much of morning sickness and everything goes smoothly for her :)

And i have started my class yesterday and had an embarrassing moment =.= i went into the wrong classroom and sat there till the leaaon was about to start. Oh god. Haas anyway today will be another day of class of science at yio chu kang sec.

He made my tears flow

2011-02-11T17:12:00.002+08:00

He made me cried, in the sense of a good way. He totally surprised me.

The whole surprise was like this :

It was I guess 8 plus in the morning when I guessed he just reached his work place, and I was still sleeping. He called me and asked for the full address of the place we are staying currently. I sms-ed him the address.

I didn't think much, as I thought that he needs the address for letters to be send to us regarding about applying our flat. After sending the message I went straight back to sleep as I was dead tired.

Then the second time he called around 12 plus in the afternoon, asking me whether I would be out. I again didn't think much as I went out yesterday so I was thinking that he was assuming that I would be out again. I told him I most likely wouldn't be out.

Then the rest of the day was like normal. Suddenly it started to rain heavily, and the maid was returning back from my mother's shop. Then I heard knockings on the door. Assuming that the maid didn't bring her keys, I looked through the door hole and I saw this indian man holding to a box. At first I was thinking it must be some sort of clothes that my mother order that they delivered to the house.

So I opened the door, the delivery man ask "Are you Angel?". I was like "huh? yea?"
Then he said "delivery for you". (the box had no lid/cover so he tilt the box slightly to let me see the content inside). I was in shocked to see what was in the box, the delivery man handed me the invoice to sign and passed me the box. I guess the delivery man knew that it was a surprise for me after he sees my reaction. And he kept smiling after that.

Immediately I started to cry when I close the door.

All this was a total surprise for me. Yes he did ask me many times whether I want anything for Valentine's day. I just simply told him I don't need anything special, maybe just a meal together will do.

Very touched by his surprise.

My sweetheart. <3

3D scan

2011-01-25T12:16:00.002+08:00

I have finally decided to take the 3D scan of Baby Soo, and the appointment will be tomorrow. Excited to see his face, wondering who will he look like more.

And he's name had been change too. Currently still a secret, planning to announce and let you guys know when he's out.

Hate Countdown

2010-12-31T23:11:00.001+08:00

Hate it. All is out celebrating, only me Baby Soo at home. Bored to the max. Nothing to do. Mr Soo also outside =( hate countdown !!

My New Hair !!

2010-12-28T11:51:00.001+08:00

I dyed my hair !! And its red !! =D

Wedding dinner

2010-12-14T15:23:00.002+08:00

Finally our wedding dinner is done, culturely yes we are married but lawfully not yet. Just went for my fetal scan at National University Hospital, it so exciting to see how is the baby like. It's about 6+cm in length and the head is 2+cm. It's face, hands, fingers and legs are much more visible already. Currently I'm at abt 12-13 weeks along. Seeing the baby twitching and kicking around makes me feel so heart warming =). It was wriggling inside but I'm still not able to feel anything.

Morning sickness is better already. Not vomitting that much as before. Feeling anxious again to know the overall result and the scan.

Here's the picture.

wedding bells are ringing

2010-11-09T01:25:00.001+08:00

Tomorrow will be the date we collect our wedding bands, and 10.11.10 will be the date of our photoshoot.

I will be Mrs Soo soon =D happy and excited ttm.

Mr Soo I Love U..

unwell

2010-11-01T14:04:00.003+08:00

Feeling super duper unwell recently. Morning sickness, dizziness and weak.

Tomorrow will be my 3rd ultrasound scan. Excited and nervous. Hopefully the heartbeat is visible. Totally unwell today will be going back soon from work.

the lil one

2010-10-27T11:15:00.002+08:00

I wasn't prepared what was gonna come, as I haven't experience anything serious symptoms yet or rather I thought I would not have the symptoms. How silly I am. Now the symptoms are all starting, getting quite nausea n queasy not everyday but the feeling of gagging don't feel good at all. Tummy bloated getting bigger, feeling tired and lethargic, tummy cramps and backache.

I didn't know it will feel this way. Now I understands how it feel seriously. Waiting for 2nd November for my third scan. I'm always anxious about every scan, another 6 more days. Can't wait =)

The most important thing in my life

2010-10-19T14:35:00.002+08:00

A small miracle happened to me. I never thought it would happen.

I'm happy about it yet very stressed about it.

Still waiting for the blood tests result which will be out on Thursday.

And the anxiety is killing me.

I just wish and hope that everything will be fine.

Saw some one, my sch mate

2010-10-04T10:40:00.003+08:00

I was heading out to town, walking to the bus stop then there were this group of malay guys. I walk pass them then I heard someone calling my name, I ignore it cause I thought they were just disturbing. Then I walked further, one of them literally shouted my name out. I turned back and this guy came forward and I didn't recognize him. He was SAID, lol. Surprised to see him and surprised that he still recognize me.

As usual headed down to Far East for my hair cut and eye brow trimming. Then headed down to ETUDE house to get my make up ended up spending almost $150 on BB cream and Collagen toner and my make up.

The finale of last night was meeting him to have dinner =) over at Bedok Sepang SPIZE. The food was good. =) Had a enjoyable day, looking forward to my next off day =)

I am sick yet again

2010-09-27T15:51:00.002+08:00

Was working on Saturday, and when I was about to knock off I caught a cold and was like having flu. And I was gonna meet Rebecca at Powerhouse. I just bear with the flu and went straight down after work. Wanted to take some medicine but wasn't able to as I will be drinking. So I partied the night away leaving Powerhouse before 3am. Was feeling worse due to the tiredness after work and the flu.

First woke up at 9am and gave him a call, and took some flu medicine before heading back to bed. Feeling better now but another problem arises which is sore throat that links to the cough I have now. Gonna take some more medicine then head to bed again.

Feeling so lethargic and tired.

Losing my voice.

2010-09-01T19:09:00.003+08:00

My work place is usually quite noisy, with all the kids creaming and shouting makes me talk louder hence going to lose my voice soon. It's like feeling very dry and keep coughing =(

Another movie night with big baby again. Last night movie was The Expandables. Quite a nice movie and some hilarious parts. After the movie while walking out to the lift, saw a few of the upcoming movies. One of them was Haunted Changi. I wonder what's the movie like. I guess the next movie I'd be watching would be that. Looking forward to watching that movie.

Busy playing Maple

2010-08-21T17:45:00.002+08:00

My big baby MR SOO has been soo busy lately haas. Busying playing his Maple. I don't know anything about the game haas. One game freak and one game idiot together, what a good combination lol.

My birthday is coming and I don't really have much plans for it. September 13th the actual day of my birthday and baby is going for his reservice on the 14th. So great right actually is not I couldn't spend the night with him. Eeesshh. But a least it's not on the 13th. =) Hope I have a happy simple birthday.

Back In Singapore

2010-08-15T13:26:00.002+08:00

Back from my short holiday trip to Genting and KL. The trip went smooth but something brought my mood down. PERIOD!. OH MY GOD it came on the day I was leaving for Genting., how great was it.

Checked in the hotel and all of us got some proper sleep and rest. Afterhaving our meal, we headed down to the casino. And my back was aching like hell, and stomach cramps. Was really feling very terrible and miserable.

The next day we headed down to KL. Went to this place call the Bangsar Village, it was like Signapore's Holland Village. Went to Bangsar Village to look his clothing store "JUICE" which sells appearels from CLOTinc. Ended up not buying as the design range was too little.

Didn't get much stuff from there cause I didn't like the designs over there. Still prefer clothes in Singapore. The weather also couldn't be compared to Singapore's weather. KL was far to hot and Genting was too cold for me.

Sighs.. I feel so emo so tired

2010-08-07T21:07:00.002+08:00

Sighs, I'm so tired. Feeling so emo. So feel like crying for no reason. Feel like just staring at the sea and feel the sea breeze till daybreak. Sighs.

Short Holiday

2010-08-07T16:53:00.002+08:00

I'll be leaving Singapore for Genting and KL in 2 days =). Can't wait. It has been so long since I last when for holiday. It would be a get away from work and other things.

Sometimes really feel very stressed out when working. Trying to accomodate customers seating preference and also not to leave too many single seats empty to bring in more sales, and seeing to their problems and demands.

I really need this short holiday to relax and recharge myself. =)

It's my fault

2010-08-03T16:41:00.002+08:00

I'm sorry I lied. Very disappointed and upset with myself. I really couldn't let you go. Thank you for giving me this chance, I realli need it a lot. I'm sure you are having a difficult time to trust me back, thats why I need this chance, I want to prove to you.

The fear of you leaving me, makes me feel so lost. Tears dropping one after another. I could only pray and hope that my wish of this chance will come true.

Now that it came true I will prove to be a better girlfriend than I am before.

I'm sorry I hurt you so much and deeply. I couldn't let it go cause I love you so much.

I'm sorry I will never do anything so stupid again.

Movies & more movies

2010-07-24T03:03:00.002+08:00

It's been quite long since i wrote. Well, everything have been going smoothly as I wanted. Have been watching quite a few movies recently. And I enjoyed everyone of them, especially Blood Pledge the Korean thriller and horror movie. Although it was meant to be scary but I was laughing through out the movie. As the sound effects mostly made the movie frightening, I cover my ears, he was like covering his eyes. That's why I was laughing at us being timid over the movie. *laughs*.

And today I just finished watching Despicable Me in the normal one instead of the 3d one. It was hilarious at some parts, and cute too.

Gonna watch more movies next week. =)

Now there's one thing I'm worried about which is not able to get my passport back in time as I want to go to Malaysia. As my mother is over at Europe I'm not sure the exact date that she will be returning. And we're planning to go Malaysia like on National Day. Hopefully I'll be able get my passport back in time. Sighs..

Falling sick

2010-06-30T18:27:00.003+08:00

I have been falling sick for a couple of times in the recent month, and it seems to take forever to recover. After about 2 weeks I'm still sick, coughing and colds. Super weak immune system.

And I have been looking for carbon fiber couple rings for like a month and I just couldn't find it. Saw a couple of them but didn't like the designs. He said if the rings cannot be found then we will have to choose from the net and ship it over. If that's the last resort then we just have to do that.

It's my off day tomorrow and my spirits are high ! =)

Powerhouse and movie

2010-06-21T21:15:00.002+08:00

Went clubbing with him and Dennis and some other people at Powerhouse. They had this 1 or 2 big projected screens screening the World Cup. I find it kinda hilarious for people to watch soccer in a club when majority of the people are like drinking and dancing. Well, it didn't bother me one bit cause I never liked soccer before. LOL.

Met Dennis at the club then he lead us up to the second level bar. We ordered the two Voldka as that was the only promotion going on. We clubbed till 1.40am then he decided that he want to watch the movie The Killers which was starting at 2am. I went along with his decision.

I was like kinda sick and tired that night. But I thought I would be able to hang on and stay awake till the movie ends. But that was not the case. I fell asleep in the theater. I guessed he fell asleep too. I fell asleep due to tiredness and partly because I was a bit high. I woke up watch 5 mins of the movie and it ended, I was like huh? LOL. I have no idea what the movie is about. Oh gosh, we wasted the movie tickets. I guess it's not a good idea to go watch a movie after drinking.

Luckily there wasn't much people and it was my first time falling asleep in the cinema.

He's in Genting

2010-06-13T11:34:00.003+08:00

He just left for Genting early in the morning today. I literally didn't sleep at all. Called him at 5am plus talk to him for a while. Starting to miss him knowing that he will be gone for 4 days.

I hope he will have a great time over there. Hope he will come back soon =)

He's going Genting

2010-06-12T21:57:00.002+08:00

He will be leaving for Genting tomorrow by coach at 6am plus. He'll be gone for about 3-4 days. Making me more worry is that he's sick. Sigh. I didn't tag along as there is nothing for me to do in Genting, firstly I don't gamble, and secondly I don't take theme park rides.

hope this 3-4 days would pass fast and he will be back. Gonna miss him.

Happy last night

2010-06-09T13:23:00.002+08:00

Finally after more than a week I got to meet him. He reached my work place at 11pm plus and took me out to have coffee with two of his other friends at Eunos. After that we went Oasis thai disco, opened a bottle drank and played games.

At about 3am plus he send me back as I have to work the next day and I was very tired. He went back to join his friends with another tower of beer.

I expect I would sleep immediately as I drank and was really tired but I couldn't sleep the whole night. Now feeling so sleep and tired. And the weather isn't helping also, it's like going to rain soon. Making me more sleepy.

A few of his friends and my colleagues was planning to catch a movie tonight. If i were to go I'm not sure whether I would fall sleep in the theater haas.

Fortunately I'm off tomorrow, but I guess I might need to run some errands.

Sleepy head

2010-06-08T12:48:00.002+08:00

It has been raining for this few days. And it's always in the late night or morning when I'm like so comfortable in my bed hugging my bolster. Making me having a difficult time to wake up in the morning to work. So comfortable, cool wind blowing at me, with my comforter and my Tigger and bolster. How comfortable could I get.

It's still raining now at my work place and I'm missing my bed. >.< Wishing that I'm still in bed now. Hope time would past faster then I can go back to my bed sooner haas.

It has been more than 7 days I've met him. Missing him so much. Hopefully I'll be able to see him tonight.

Clubbing last night

2010-06-06T18:43:00.002+08:00

Decided to go club last night and was kind of excited to go after like 3 months without entering clubs. Met up so WG people there. Basically everything remained the same. Same songs, same environment, everything i. the same. When I was inside the club i just felt out of place. Feeling very weird, like this is not for me.

After that went over to Dragonfly to meet some of my other friends. Also felt out of place. Firstly I only know like 3 people there. Kinda awkward. Sat down and looking around instead of dancing cause my legs hurt due to the heels I'm wearing. Just kinda sit aside quietly.

After a few direction game with them and a few drinks I decided to head home. I was feeling very tired as I had work 12 hours before heading to club. And another reason was that I kept thinking of him and trying to control myself from crying. Well, everyone there was having a great time and I don't want to be the spoiler. I left and cab home. Reach home too a bathe and slept immediately when I hit the bed.

Woke up at about 8.50am cause I had this leg cramp. The pain was excruciating. I think it must have beenfrom the heels I wore to club and the temperature was cold in my room. Saw he's message felt so much better.

Recently we have been moving on quite smoothly. I take things easier now and not pressuring myself or him too much. I guess this is called stress management. Well, I'm happy and satisfied now. Just hoping that everything will just go smoothly.

Very troubled

2010-06-04T11:31:00.000+08:00

Feeling so troubled recently, I think I should go relax at some club. Have some entertainment for one night to relieve all my anguish, all my sadness.

Marmaduke

2010-06-04T10:41:00.002+08:00

Went to watch the movie Marmaduke. It was suppose to be a happy and funny movie but i didn't laugh or smile. I don't know why. When he picked me up we didn't talk through out the ride to leisure park where we had our movie.

The feeling is so much different. So wanting to get back to past two months.

How long can I last?

2010-06-02T12:11:00.002+08:00

Please give me the strength to continue. I don't know how long I can last anymore. I feel that I'm not being myself anymore. Not the happy cheerful girl I am before.

Mentally exhausted

2010-06-01T10:25:00.002+08:00

I'm so mentally tired. Constantly thinking and thinking non stop. Haven't slept for a day, I have been trying like so hard to get to sleep but everything I do just don't work out.

He has been treating me very cold lately. He used to send sweet messages everyday but now he just simply reply ok, oic and haha. And number of messages and calls dropped. I did ask him the why is he treating me so differently for the past two weeks, he just said that he was sick and didn't want to talk much. I believed him for that few days but recently he just got better and still the same treating me coldly. I kept asking for the reason and he finally said that he still want to play as in club. I'm fine with him clubbing but I still feel that there is still something going on that he's not telling me.

I really don't know what more I would do. Don't have the mood to work yesterday when I recieved his message at work. Trying so hard not to cry but tears just rolled down my cheeks. Thinking of a way to feel better and sleep well after work so I took panadols again. Like what I did when i was still in secondary school. Having the urge to take the whole box of panadol at one shot. But I didn't as I was still at work. I took 4 instead, by the time I my work ends, my hands and feet were ice cold. Body starts to relax but my brain didn't. I still keep thinking and thinking.

Reaching home, I thought I would just lie on bed and fall asleep immediately, but I just couldn't. I wasn't able to stop thinking.

Seriously I'm mentally exhausted. On the verge to breaking down. I wish and hope that we can go back to the pass 2 months when I was really very happy.

So tired, really tired

2010-05-31T20:03:00.002+08:00

What do I really want in life? I really don't know. Everything seems to be in a blur. I can't see my future. Everything I do seems to be wrong and going in the wrong way. I'm like trying my best to make things work for the relationship but I don't understand why isn't it going smoothly.

Cried at work. Feel like going home. I realized I'm not strong at all.

I wish I could just pass on..

So bored at work

2010-05-31T16:12:00.002+08:00

Dying and rotting at work. Someone help me. So tired. Had a difficult time getting to sleep last night. Kept thinking so much about HIM. Managed to fall asleep at around 2am plus.

I want my tigger and bolster.

Lazy Sundays

2010-05-30T22:48:00.002+08:00

Simply so lazy on Sundays. Taking endless naps. Planned to get my hair cut today during noon time but instead I laze around till the evenings then I forced myself out to get my hair done. So reluctant but I had to do it otherwise I would delay and dragged and it would never be done.

Wanted to look at some rings HE was talking about but the shop was closed, so simply just did some window shopping. Wasn't really hoping to get anything. Tried on a couple of dresses but all doesn't seems right. Bought a pair of heels instead at only $10.

There are like so many nice and cheap things in Far East. The only thing is that you have to spend some time in some shops to find those hidden treasures.

HE's sick

2010-05-29T12:26:00.002+08:00

For the past few days I have been very sick, now that I've recovered I think I pass the virus to HIM. HE's down with flu and cough, hopefully no fever. HE came down to my work place and used the com, I didn't expect HIM to wait for me to finish work and send me home but HE did. Before I finish work HE took like 4 tablets of panadol for flu and HE got kinda drowsy and sleepy but HE still send me home. Appreciate it a lot.

Hopes HE will get well soon.

Prince of Persia

2010-05-27T13:06:00.003+08:00

Knocked off work early by one hour to catch the movie Prince of Persia. We went in a big group again but lucky all of us make it in time this time. The movie was about 2 hours long. After the movie my legs was soo darn painful. had to stretch them after sitting down for nearly 2 hours. And golden village cinema seats are so uncomfortable.

After the movie all of us went down to Kallang Mcdonalds to have supper. All guys and I'm the only girl, so as usual they would talk about the games and I have totally no idea what they were talking about. Guys talk.

HIM and I went off at around 1.30am to Oasis thai disco to celebrate Rayson's birthday. HIM and Xavier got Rayson to puke like 4 times. While we were there HE didn't neglect me, HE accompanied me and me played those touch screen machine, spot the difference game to be exact. I just loved the feeling that HE sat behind and hugged me while we were playing the game. Felt so sweet and hope that time would stop. HE's like my first love. Another kind of love that I've never felt before. Simple and sweet. We left the place at 3am plus. All of us totally exhausted after that day.

Very weak

2010-05-25T22:39:00.003+08:00

Sighs. I have been very weak for this whole month. Having very bad headaches, and weak leg. Every few days I would have all this problems. Just last night I had this bad headache again, It felt like my brain is exploding and I could faint anytime. I don't really know what is happening to me.

No appetite to eat, no mood to do anything. Probably it's because of the stupid periods.

Just want HIM to be by my side comforting me.

Buffet & beer

2010-05-24T11:32:00.002+08:00

It was my off day yesterday, was taking afternoon nap when HE called asking whether I would wanna have dinner buffet. I was quite sleepy but after HE called I got excited (HE always gets me excited) haas.. I immediately woke up and prepare. HE came to pick me up along with his brother and ah gu.

Heading down to Tampines SAFRA Sakura Buffer for dinner. We ate for close to 2 hours and everyones stomach was like bloated, too full to move. Especially HIM he had been targeting the salmon sashima during the entire buffet.

After having the buffet we were like discussing where to go next, and they had this 2 massage chairs close to the entrance and we took turns getting massage. When it comes to HIS n my turn the scene was so funny. HIS facial expression was funny and weird. For me it was simply just painful. My back was all red after the massage.

All of us agreed on playnig board games but unfortunately the shop was closing early. So next plan all of us headed down to Cabana at East Coast to drink and slack. All of us went home after about an hour or so.

I wanna eat SUSHI !

2010-05-11T12:20:00.002+08:00

I have been wanting to eat sushi for quite a long time. But due to my bf and my work schdueles, we're not able to have our sushi meal. He knows I have been wanting to eat sushi for a very long time, so he called sakae sushi at abt 9pm to order some sushi and he deliver the sushis personally to my work place. I was very happy and touched. And it's the best sushi I've ever had. So sweet of him.

Emoing

2010-04-07T15:35:00.002+08:00

I don't know why I have been emoing this few days. It kinda suck. I don't know what am I gonna do about it. Just don't feel like talking to anyone except for him. Just hope that he can spend some time with me but he's busy with work. Sighs. It's like being all alone no one to talk to.

No mood to work. Feel like just leaving work and go home, but I'm not able to do that. What am I suppose to do to make myself feel better?

More happy than ever

2010-03-30T11:05:00.002+08:00

It's been more than a month that I'm with him. I never even thought that we would end up together, cause we met in the club but he was my friend's friend. Club people are like so unpredictable. That's why I never thought we would be together.

He is just simply so sweet. On one f the day he surprises me with this big Tigger plush from Winnie the Pooh. At first I thought it was his mother's, as there are like other soft toys in the back seat. We went out and when he send me home I opened the car door wanted to get out of the car, he told me to wait and he gave me the Tigger. I was so happy.

The process of him chasing me wasn't that easy, thats why it took him 2 months to get me. I wasn't that sure whether I should accept him as I met him in the club. But after much consideration I decided to accept him.

And just yesterday he sent me this message saying "I getting to love you more now". So heartwarming when I see the message.

I'm so happy with my life now. Having a job and having a relationship. I couldn't ask for more.

work work work

2010-03-14T10:39:00.002+08:00

Have been working in boyfriend friend's lan shop for soon to be a month. Working 12 hours each day. Quite shag and tiring but still quite relax at some point haas.

Have been recently watching quite a number of movies lately too. Just watched GreenZone last two night ago. Was quite an interesting war movie. Next I wanna watch Happy Go Lucky =)

Powerhouse 3rd Anniversary

2010-02-18T04:32:00.001+08:00

WooHoo.. Powerhouse 3rd Anniversary is coming !!! On the 19th of February can't wait.

Gonna be a fun night !!

It's CNY and I got a surprise today..

2010-02-17T02:37:00.002+08:00

It's Chinese New Year again. The year of the tiger. Every year Chinese New Year seems to get more and more boring and the atmosphere is not there. In the past when I was younger I often hear the lion dance troupes drumming away, now I've only heard one and that's it. This year New Year seems to be super quiet.

But luckily red packet amount this year not that bad. =)

Today Jerry gave me a surprise. He first picked me up at my place then we head for dinner at Aston. When he reach my place, I saw this huge Tigger at the front passenger seat. I didn't really thought that it was for me cause his mother shares the car with him, and there are other soft toys behind. He moved the Tigger to the back seat so i could have the front seat. After the dinner we went over to my mother's place for visiting, and did gamble a bit. Can see that my mother and step father liked him. After that he had to send me home cause he'll need to head over to his friend's shop to help out.

I was about to get down from his car then he told me that the Tigger behind is for me. I was kinda surprised and happy at the same time.

I just felt that the moment was simple sweet.

Something's wrong with my health

2010-02-12T18:07:00.002+08:00

Something is really wrong with my heatlh. I have been having the urgency to urinate but not much is coming out. In one hour I can run in and out of the toilet for like 7-8 times but not much urine is coming out.

It's like really affecting my lifestyle. I will be booking an appointment with the doctor soon. Kinda scared after researching the problems that I'm having now.

But I hope after the check up everything is fine.

so dumb

2010-02-08T13:37:00.002+08:00

Last night I was washing my clothes, then my grandmother was telling me about some buttons of the washing machine after i dump all my clothes in. I was listening to her and I totally forgot to put the detergent. How dumb can I get right? -_-" I only remembered after the clothes hare done 'washing'.

Went to catch a movie at Cineleisure at about 9.30pm with Riken. We watch Avatar 3D which was like a so darn long ago movie. First time watching 3D in movie theater, the 3D effects was really good, cause I didn't get motion sickness. The movie was good too although the duration was the longest one I ever seen.

After movie went to look for Desmond and Jeffey, after that went to eat then home sweet home. =)

Peaceful chilling night

2010-02-07T16:37:00.002+08:00

Last night met up with Jun Qing to slack with his friends too. He picked me up at my place then went to Jurong area to get somethings done and pick one of his friends up. No one knows where to go ended up stranded at one of the coffee shop in Jurong for 2 hours plus lol.

Talking craps, la kopi and supper. Thinking of many places to go but all of us are bored of those places already. Ended up the most famous place to go Yishun Dam. Sat there chit chat chill till 5am then all decided to go home.

Reached home at 5.30am wasn't that tired but I had nothing to do so ended up sleeping haas. thats how I spend my Saturday this week.

Supposely wanted to meet Riken but he said would call me but he didn't. I guess end up drunk again lol =P .

New hair cut & colour

2010-02-05T22:57:00.002+08:00

Met my mother today after a few months. Wanted to get some new year clothes but the rain held us up. So my mother decided to let me have my hair done. It's been so long since I had a hair cut. Since January 2009 till yesterday I didn't have a hair cut. =X So I had my hair dyed, trimmed and treatment.

Colour isn't that obvious. But definitely the length is shorter than before. Got all my damaged end chopped off. The whole process took me about 3 hours. Wanted to do the japanese perm, but the hairstylist was saying that it's quite difficult to maintain the curls so I've dropped the idea of perming. And I have never done perm before so kinda like don't dare to try. Haas. Anyway I'm satisfied with my hair. =)

Braces Appointment

2010-02-05T00:19:00.002+08:00

Finally after 4 months of missing my dental appointment, I went for today's appointment. The dentist added extra brackets on my wisdom tooth and something else at the back upper teeth.

And those extra stuffs make my mouth painful =(. Going back to square one not able to take solid food. And for me to have a meal I would take darn long, cause I can't really use my back teeth to chew. I literally took an hour to finish my dinner.

My mouth just don't feel right today.

Final Episodes Of 海派甜心

2010-02-02T17:48:00.002+08:00

Finally I've have finished watching the Taiwan drama series 海派甜心. The ending was short and sweet.

Now I'm having problems of my own again. Kinda sick of it but there's nothing I can do but to go through it again. First time being in this situation which i never encounter before, hence how am I going to settle this, I'm not very sure.

I have to have an answer, which is a very important one. Cause whatever decision i make will affect my future. Sometimes I hope that all relationships can end like those dramas. Sweet and happy endings.

Sigh.

海派甜心 and Dental Appointment

2010-01-26T12:06:00.003+08:00

For this whole week I have been crazy over this taiwan drama series 海派甜心 by Rainie Yang and Show Luo, I'm sure many are craz over it also.

I've completed all 13 episodes which many says that the series stops at episode 13. But episode 13 doesn't seems to end the whole story. And I have heard that there are in total 25 episodes.

I'll really have to wait cause episode 13 was just out a few days ago in youtube.

One more thing, I had just booked another appointment for my braces. Suddenly kinda afraid to go back, caus I had missed about 4 appointments which is about 4 months that I didn't go back for my appointments. Kinda nervous. Next appointment would be on 4th February. Hopefully everything goes well and smoothly.

torn apart

2010-01-26T03:34:00.002+08:00

The feeling being torn apart by two guys, its like torturing myself mentally.

I don't know how am I going to make the decision but I know I have to. And I don't wish to rush anything.

Love triangle I guess.

new flat

2010-01-22T09:59:00.002+08:00

Well just came back from Toa Payoh HDB hub, to apply for the apartment at central. At first I thought that my father was applying for like a second house, but this time it's a new apartment and its still under construction.

Saw the model at the HDB hub. Looks kinda cool, below the apartments is the shopping centre and bus interchange.

All of us woke up at like 6am plus to make sure we are like the first one there so chances of getting the apartment would be higher.

But unfortunately, we are not the first so therefore the apartment was taken =(

moving of house

2010-01-21T13:18:00.002+08:00

I had just recieved a call from my father saying that he might need me to be present at the HDB building. I thought he wanted to renew some things for this apartment that we are staying in, but end up he told me that we might be moving house.

I ask him where we were moving to, he told me we might be moving closer to central. He told me it would be much more convenient. First thing that came to my mind was the noise pollutions. Second thing was that my grandmother already have friends in my current neighbourhood, and if we move again she have to make new friends again.

For me, yea it might be convenient for transportation or food stalls. But i'm attached to this apartment already. I really pray hard that I don't have to move.

is it realli true?

2010-01-21T05:40:00.002+08:00

When a person really like you, can the person really accept your past? and all the things you had done?

sigh after so long i'm still in pain. mentally torturing myself. many said and told me just move on, let the past be the past and start everything afresh. It's easier said than done.

I hope I could just wake up forgetting my past.

y am i always in the wrong?

2010-01-17T07:43:00.003+08:00

i really don't understand why am i always in the wrong. or probably i am wrong?

it all happen when my friend friend lost his wallet. he said that someone knocked him and kicked away his wallet. but i don't know anything about it. then lights on all the guys went looking for the guy that kicked his wallet away.

then when we were outside i got knocked by this guy purposely. then fight started. sighs. police came, and i tried to help them but end up they dun appreciate. oh well they were like telling me its guys stuffs girls shouldn't bother. but sorry i'm not those typical girls just stand there and pretend nothing happen.

so i stood in front of this guy who is much smaller is much smaller in size than me. he told me to stand aside but i didn't want to. he told me that not make him hit me and i replied, if you dare you hit me. i was like thinking in my mind wtf so childish. then my guy friend pulled me aside. ok fine so i stood aside, sitting at one corner crying all by myself.

cos all the fighting reminds me of my abusive family in the past. its not that i want to cry but i just cannot help it. i was left being all alone, waiting for the guys to settle with the police and other guys.

its not that i wanna be a busybody but i don't want them to fight and all end up in lock up, like wat happen to my family when i was younger. always quarrel till police come than end up other one would be in lock up. i seriously have the phobia when it comes to fighting and quarreling. i just don't want anyone that know to be in lock up or getting hurt thats why i don't even care whether i'm hurt a not.

just hope that they would not be angry with me. and understand why i did that.

i just wanna be someone who is willing to help.

seriously quite upset over last night. thanks to all those that ask me whether i'm ok a not.

spoil my mood spoil my day

2010-01-14T22:51:00.002+08:00

that fucker asu can see below cheated on me and my gf. he ask my gf to go for a photoshoot for his fucked up even company, and my gf pulled me along with her.

that fucker asked us to meet him up at gallery hotel at 4pm. and my gf knew she was going to be late so she took ca ll the way from yishun to the hotel which is near clark quay.

and when we reached we called him but no answer. so we thought that he had fallen asleep while waiting for us in the room. and we kept calling but still no answer. we waited for 1.5 hours. and i jus told my gf that we sure have been cheated. cos i got cheated by him twice before.

stupid to trust him again. but lucky lawerence picked us up at dbl o and we head to bugis iluma to walk around. but still kinda pissed.

end of the day my gf tried calling him but still no answer.

obviously he wanted to bed my gf and when he knew that i was coming along he abandon all his plan. wat kinda of guy is this? why is there this type of people in the world. argh !!! just damn angry that my friend spent money on cab for no reason.

fucking tmd

2010-01-14T21:42:00.003+08:00

knn ccb. such a fucking faggot loser. nv seen any one like u before. u better pray hard nothing will happen to u. keith msn - slackmysteria@yahoo.co.uk hp - 96920116

photoshoot

2010-01-12T22:10:00.002+08:00

kinda excited and nervous that i'll be having a photoshoot with shirley. and just happen that keith was the one who asked her and i know him. two more days till the shoot at galley hotel. so excited till having difficulties to sleep =X.

i'm like such a noob in this field. i'm afraid i would mess up. more worried about the posing. hopefully i wouldn't mess up =X.

nightmares

2010-01-09T01:28:00.002+08:00

sighs, why do i still have nightmares.
ever since the last time i got abused, i'm frequently having nightmares and its disrupting my sleep.

i'm so tired of it.

i'm a clumsy pig

2010-01-01T23:50:00.002+08:00

i 'm like the most clumsiest person in the entire world >.< guess what i went clubbing yesterday and i wore heels. and i was at the smoking area. and its like not the first time i trip on my heels. and i tripped again. right in front of so many people. and i wasn't drunk. how embarrassing omg. when i fell everyone was looking at me, felt like digging a hole to bury my head lol. then again usual bruises on my legs. it seems like my legs are always with bruises haas. well what to do clumsy girl bumps and knocks around without knowing when or where.

sucky day

2009-12-31T05:02:00.002+08:00

first time feeling so sucky. went to zouk and got sooo darn bored there. unable to get in phuture and it was damn squeezy. almost lost my temper. i left zouk and went to join marcus at dbl o. felt better there, at least they are playing songs that i know.

after dbl o closes we head to powerhouse. the songs there is still the best. dance till lights on then went out and saw something i shouldn't see. sigh.

under contruction

2009-12-29T20:45:00.000+08:00

UNDER CONSTRUCTION ~

fake eye lash

2009-12-18T02:12:00.003+08:00

finally i bought my fake eye lash =) and it was cheap. got it from far east plaza and it was lie my first time putting it on. still having trouble putting it on haas. but i do really look better with it. now i understand why its a must for most girls.

today met up with riken and his friends. he came over to pick me up and head to tampines mall or movie. we watched bodyguards and assassins. don't really understand the whole movie only the fighting scenes are nice haas. kthe whole movie is kinda like politics in the past. haas politics so complicated.

next movie i wanna watch would be alvin and the chipmunks 2. after watching the trailer i find it still very cute although i have seen the first one. =)

christmas is coming and i still have no plans =S

this sucks

2009-12-08T03:48:00.003+08:00

god damn it i'm sick again, cough and fever is back. and i canot find my strepsils =(.

it seems like whatever i do is always wrong. sleep early waking up at this time also wrong. falling sick again also my fault. resting at home also wrong. if i'm already trying and you don't see it then i'll just fuck care it.

andy thanks ya.

painful

2009-12-05T23:02:00.001+08:00

went clubbing last night again. and got a bit drunk. so therefore i fell on the road while i was getting out of the cab. and it hurts.

dreams..

2009-12-03T23:24:00.002+08:00

it had been quite a while since we broke up. i have already mostly gotten over it and try not to ponder about it any more. but i just don't understand why do i still keep dreaming of you. i shall not say what the dream is about but i just feel that the whole dream was ridiculous. cause that day i know for sure wouldn't even come.

i seriously hope that all the nightmares and dreams can stop, cuase its seriously affecting my sleep and torturing me mentally.

weight issues

2009-11-28T01:48:00.002+08:00

i understand that some people says i'm too skinny and should put on just a little bit more weight. and i have been eating more than what i used to eat and thought that i had gained weight. but to my surprise when i weigh myself, i didn't gain any weight at all. i'm still at 48.

i guess there's really worms in my stomach lol. sucking all the nutrients away.

unforgotten

2009-11-27T22:22:00.002+08:00

don't know why just suddenly thought of my friends that passed away in this 2 years. seriously still upset but nothing can be done. heartaches for the family members. life is just so fragile. and all are still so young. sighs.

lost my card

2009-11-26T17:25:00.001+08:00

went partying last night again at powerhouse. got so high that i lost my cigaretes and member card. sigh i have to pay 20 bucks for it to get it replace. =(

sick

2009-11-23T07:31:00.002+08:00

haven't been sick for very long and because of the weather i am sick now. coughing my lungs out, on and off fever, cold shivers, headaches and fainting spells. feeling so lethargic. but i'm like still so stubborn enough to get out of my house.

people that knows me long enough will know that i'm too stubborn and they cannot stand it. lol. well if i say no no one can force me. if i'm being forced thats where my attitude comes out. =)

i jus dun understand

2009-11-20T16:45:00.002+08:00

i just simply don't understand why you wanna lie to me saying that you had changed your number. if you don't wanna contact me anymore just say so. i was disappointed when apple told me that you were using your old number. but what you told me was you had change to a new private number that not many wg people know. its all crap and bullshit.

anyway whatever as you wish i shall drop the idea of contacting you again.

dead drunk

2009-11-19T20:25:00.002+08:00

clubbing at ph last night was another unforgetable night again. i was suppose to meet nick but he and his friend decided to change club in the super very last min. kinda angry thou. but lucky i have friends over at ph.

ethan was going, i knew him in tagged so he was there n i was there so we met up. have drinks and dance together. i must have been drinking too much and mix around with too many different types of beer and liquor and i realli got dead drunk.

i couldn't remember how i got my locker keys out. how we took cab. wat i said in the club. how many times i vomited. when i was in the cab i wasn't asleep but i couldn't move any more and i was like thinking how the fuck am i gonna get out of the cab haas.

ethan kinda dragged me out of the cab and wanted to carry me lol. but once i got out of the cab i sat on the roadside and started puking everything out. reach his place lied on his bed and thats it. haas.

still feeling giddy thou. sat another night of clubbing again =D

god damn it

2009-11-16T20:32:00.002+08:00

u realli noe how to irritate ppl. saying things that ppl dun like to hear and always saying it at the wrong time. maybe u could jus keep ur bloody mouth shut.

and stupid me to have talk to u in powerhouse. i jus treat it as i dun noe u before. realli knn.

coughing..

2009-11-15T13:57:00.002+08:00

seriously coughing all the way. yesterday was my fourth day clubbing and my feet seriously jus died lol. so darn aching and painful. haas. wearing 4 inch heels not realli a good idea after all. but i had to train my legs cos they were weak.

coughing n coughing. omg yesterday was seriously so much fun. all my babes went crazy.

lynette > thanks ya for being there when i was down realli appreciate it.

valerie > u are still young. make more friends n see the world. no hurry to settle down yet.

gui peng > u too. most worried abt u both.

sore throat

2009-11-14T14:02:00.002+08:00

omg having bad sore throat when i woke up. reach home from ph and having very bad headache.

tonight might be another day of clubbing.

to him, it seems like u avoiding me or ignoring me. to me i noe that we dun have any chances of getting back together but can't we just be normal friends? if u dun wanna be friends then jus let me noe i wouldn't contact u any more. each time i sms or msn u i hoping for a reply but i didn't get any form of reply. kinda disappointed.

butter factory

2009-11-13T15:29:00.004+08:00

many have been talking about butter factory, and i have saying that i want to go. finally finally i went last night. ambience was good, scenery was good, people there were good, but there's one thing that didn't gave me the mood was the music. probably because it was a thursday.

i should really check it out on one saturday. for tonight would be my off day wahaha. saturday would be another day of clubbing in powerhouse again.

kuku hair cut

2009-11-12T13:10:00.002+08:00

finally i went to get my hair cut. i went to cut my fringe back to bangs. and now it looks damn kuku. i mean its like the first day and it looks short. i guess i have to wait a few more days for it to grow longer so for now i will clip it up lol.

went shopping with my mother at vivo. didn't buy anything clothes but manage to get my cosmetics. well, i cracked like my foundation and blusher. went back body shop to get my foundation and got this blusher and eye shadow palette. and was so surprise that she pass me a hp which was n97, i don't really know much about phones so ya i just accept it lol. since it seems better then the one that i was using. hmm my mother also told me that she was moving to a condo which is like in the east damn far.

after the hair cut went back to her house and waited for my step father to end his work then we went to their favourite japanese restaurant for dinner. and it was really good. after that i went home then went clubbing again at powerhouse haas. last minutie decision again. i didn't want to go but esther was going so i met her there.

hmm i guess the chances of us getting back together seem to be very very slim. i will still think of u occasionally. but i try not to think that much otherwise i would be emo again. i didn't call you doesn't mean i don't miss you. i still miss you but i know you are busy thats why i didn't call you or message you. life still have to go on.

wat should i do

2009-11-10T00:31:00.002+08:00

tell me wat should i do?? i dun wan things to turn out this way. i have been emoing since the day i regretted the decision. and yet y are u still saying things that makes me sad? do u noe i'm crying as i'm writing? do u noe how i felt after u said all those to me? do u even care about how i felt? i'm trying so hard not to think so much but ur not helping me at all. to me everything i try to do is by forcing myself. everything seems meaningless when u are not here. i realli duno how to describe how i feel. so many doubts and mix feelings that canot be cleared. i noe u dun wanna talk about our stuffs, i try not talking abt it. do u noe that i'm trying everything i can to get u back?

sighs sometimes i realli hope something would happen to me. so i will not have to go thru all this.

disappointment

2009-11-09T18:45:00.002+08:00

i noe you are disappointed abt wat happen in the club. sighs i have no excuses or reasons to defend myself cos i was disgusted and disappointed in myself also.

life's so sick. i will do wat u wan me to i noe its not for u that i am doing it. it's more for my well being. but i hope u realli mean wat u say after i have done it.

i miss those days

2009-11-08T18:04:00.002+08:00

i missed those days that u held my hand when driving.
i missed the times i had with u.

ur name in my phone is still <3 my boy <3, i couldn't bear to change.

jealousy issues

2009-11-06T12:54:00.003+08:00

why am i still jealous when i see u talking to girls?
why will i be emo when i see u in broadcast?

when i see u in broadcast i somehow regret.
when i see u in broadcast i realli feel like going back to my previous life.
when i see u in broadcast i felt wasted.
when i see u in broadcast i feel like joining in but i didn't y i couldn't do it.

sighs.

sighs..

2009-11-05T17:32:00.002+08:00

i'm missing u. i duno wat the hell i'm doing. sighs. frustrated, angry, disappointed, upset and vexed. argh. its always happening to me i dun understand why. is there anythign that i realli can numb myself? y do i have to go thru so much?

last min halloween

2009-11-03T22:00:00.002+08:00

i was actually alreayd planning to stay home and rest on halloween night instead of partying cause i'm still in pain. but my boy called me at 10.30pm saying that he's already in powerhouse so i immediately prepared myself and rushed down.

my main purpose wasn't to go party, my main purpose is to go look for him as i really need to see him. i reach powerhouse at 11.45pm and the queue was damn long. first time ever seeing such a long queue. it actually went all the way to the restaurant side. i wasn't prepared to see such a long queue, i called amy and lynette to meet me at smoking area to see what can be done. then i saw frederick who asked his friend to bring me in through guest list which was faster.

upon waiting for fred friend to bring me in. amy told me that he couldn't find my boy, and i was worried as amy told me that he had drank quite a lot. after like 15 minutes i was in and amy manage to find him. so relieved. i really thought that i couldn't make it in.

my boy brought me to the table and started giving me drinks. he was high by then. many were wearing costumes especially those with angel wings which were kinda irritating cause when they turn, the wings literally slapped into my face. haas. i was more happy to see my boy then to party, although the party was fun also.

my boy left early cause he wasn't feeling that good after drinking so much so his friends send him home. and i was with lynette. i didn't went off cause i'll be takign the first bus. so after powerhouse fred told us that he was at mono so we joined him and some other wg people. after all the ktv-ing we headed to mac. stayed there slack still abt 6am plus going 7am.

all of us were shagged out lol. after mac fred ricky and leon (if i'm not wrong) wanted to cab me back but there wasn't any cab so i told fred that i'll take the bus and it would be faster that way also. so i reached home at ard 7am plus. was still feeling high so i danced in my room with my ear pieces plugged into my ears blasting rnb music. then finally my energy was totally drained then i gave up dancing and went to sleep. haas.

realli enjoyed myself. realli happy to see him that night. love him lots.

after that day..

2009-11-01T14:42:00.003+08:00

after the day 'he' hit me, then i really started to love my icy boy. i really felt the love that he had for me and really appreciate it very much. u let me have the freedom to do my own things, and didn't have any restriction in our relationship. u onli wan me to be happy and i'm realli happy. i've nv felt so much freedom and happiness in a relationship before. i will treasure this relationship and not take for granted.

went powerhouse very last minute because i wanted to see my icy boy. althoug i was still in pain and tired but i rushed down just to see him. after that day i really missed him having the urge to see him immediately. i was really very happy to see him last night.

pls dun do this to me

2009-10-31T18:49:00.002+08:00

i have been waiting for ur call for the whole day and i jus calle ur number but its not in use. i told you before in any point of time u dun wanna be with me can jus let me noe. it's realli toturing for me now. i hope to meet you. so many lightning n thunder i jus hope that u can be here n hug me.

it really hurts

2009-10-31T13:33:00.003+08:00

it really hurts to see my life in this way. i'm totally in a lost state, unable to think now. i'm already trying to get my life straight back. why isn't anyone believing in me? i guess what i done in the past really made people loose trust in me.

life is really a torture. i can balme no one but myself only. blame myself for creating this type of life. what happen earlier in the morning i was praying that you would appear and protect me, but i know its impossible. seriously what happened just now i really felt the good that you treat me.

because of my stubborness you always gave in to me. i don't what to tell you i only feel like telling you sorry.

why???

2009-10-31T07:12:00.002+08:00

why just tell me why am i being treated this way.. i noe u want me back but do u have to resort to violence to get me back? i'm realli in pain now.. seriously it realli hurts a lot.. i once got abused before, i nv in my life thought that this would happen again... i'm realli very scared..

for him

2009-10-30T18:55:00.001+08:00

i noe u will be reading my blog again, i had consider wat u asked. my final answer is no. i felt that i couldn't trust u again. thats all i can say.

in a dilema~

2009-10-30T05:51:00.003+08:00

my ex just call asking for a patch back. i don't know what to do.